you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
