you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
