you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
