hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
