Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
