So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
