there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
