My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
