I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
