What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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