I accidentally burped into my bong.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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