You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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