It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
