I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
