Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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