It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
