OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
