the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
