i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That accounts for only three of the penises
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
