The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Life is so much better after having sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
