Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
