I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
