i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
