dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
