I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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