If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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