ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
