Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
