Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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