If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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