I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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