Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
