you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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