Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
