yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
