Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
