You can't special order awesome
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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