I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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