Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
