I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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