you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
