there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
