Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
