I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
