there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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