I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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