you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
