To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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