I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
