No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
