I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
