I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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